Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm sorry, but you're too much of an asshole for that cellphone

One recent occurrence in our high technological society that really ticks me off is that of people with MP3-playing cellphones that walk around with music playing through the cellphone-speaker. You've probably stumbled upon a couple of these morons roaming our streets and shopping malls yourself.

They wander around with (most of the time) third rate bullshit R'n'B streaming from the substandard and loudly crackling speakers of their cellphones as if everybody in the world had the same crappy taste in music that they have.

Hey fuckheads, I'm not interested in listening to R-Kelly against my will while I'm shopping for groceries OK? Turn the shit off right now dumbass!

What is it that motivates these morons to terrorize their surrounds like this?

It can't be that they think the song is so awesome that they simply have to share it with everybody, because there's no chance in hell of making out wether it's a good song or not when it's wailing from a tiny speaker on somebody's cellphone and completely destroyed by distortion.

Could it be that they think somebody will be impressed that they own a MP3-cellphone? If so, they're even dumber than I thought. Hey cockbrains, everybody and their dog has a cellphone that plays MP3s these days, it doesn't make you special!

I suggest that cellphone dealers from here on give their customers an IQ-test and check for any signs of an asshole personality before selling them an MP3-cellphone. If they don't, I just might be arrested for assaulting a moron with his own cellphone in the near future.

Cellphone-toting assholes of the world, consider yourselves warned.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Taking web 2.0 too far

Today in our digital age everybody is, or should be, worried about their personal integrity and paranoid about being watched and having their internet-habits recorded. New "1984"-esque laws have been taken into effect or at least proposed by people that wish to take away our rights and enslave us by the very tools that gave us digital freedom in the first place.

Enter Cluztr, quite possibly the most moronic browser-extension ever.

This piece of software let's you surf the web in a more "social" manner, i.e. other users will be able to read your browser history in real time! But wait, there's more. It let's you (and other users) see who is reading the page you're currently on and (wait for it...) you can send them messages! Yay! How very goddamn "web 2.0"...

Isn't this taking the whole "web 2.0, let's be a community on the internet"-thing a quite a bit too far? Why the hell would I want other people to know about my surfing habits? Why would I want to share my browser history with the whole online planet? It's just stupid, plain and simple, and the only people jumping on this bandwagon will be morons and teenagers who have already been MySpace-lobotomized.

And what's with the name? "Oh, I'm so hip and down with the next generation of teh internets that I can't spell. I'm so cool and web 2.0. I speak fluent Ruby On Rails and all my web applications are Beta too." Retards.

I think I'm gonna start a website where people can share their email inbox with each other. Wouldn't that be awesome? Everybody can read everybody's emails and leave comments about them? Awesome! Totally web 2.0 too! I think I'll call it Cool name huh? Very web 2.0.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

No, Linux can't save Palm. It's just not that simple.

It has been widely reported that Palm Computing is gonna put out PDAs in the near future that run on Linux-based software.

Almost as widely, articles like this have been popping up asking the in my opinion very silly question: "Can Linux save Palm?"

To anybody that knows anything about Linux, who actually knows what it is, the obvious answer is "NO". Linux is an operating system kernel, not a magic wand. Simply basing your new product on Linux will not make the product an instant success, although Linux is truly awesome and I love it to bits (and bytes).

Just like a flashy car will not make you a world-class race car driver, Palm Computings new PDAs based on Linux will not automatically be awesome products, boost sales and save the company. The software will probably be better and more stable, but the decline in purchases of PDAs is by no means simply an effect of previously crummy software. The time for the PDA is simply over. The new king of the hill is the cellphone.

A high-end smartphone/cellphone today does everything a PDA is supposed to do and everybody already has one. Take my cellphone for example, a Nokia N80. This phone plays music and videos, it has a really good calendar that helps me remember and keep track of things, I can read PDFs and MS Office files with it, it's got bluetooth, wifi, GPRS and 3G to connect me to other devices and the world, and loads of other crap that I have yet to discover. Now tell me, why would I need a PDA? I wouldn't.

My phone isn't even the most advanced cellphone out there. There are smartphones that are twice as expensive and that contain even more software and magic than mine does. It is my firm belief that the advancements made in cellphone technology have effectively killed the PDA and that's the bottom line ('cuz Stone Cold said so).

Basically the only reason for owning a PDA these days is because you love gadgets and need to have more of them. Otherwise, you'll settle for a modern cellphone.